My phone beeps. Upon checking it, I notice it is a text from a strange number…

Stranger: hi Allan…

Me: hello…

Stranger: I know you don’t know who you are talking with…(pfff, duh…) I’m Dylan.

I’m thinking, is that name supposed to mean something to me? Because he said it as if he was my buddy who I had long lost touch with. I had never heard of the name Dylan before in my life. I didn’t even know if it was a dude’s name or girl’s. So I asked what anyone in my position would ask… “is Dylan a dude’s or a girl’s name?” Continue reading “HOMO”



I had started by writing a sob story about how I’m turning 25 today and the mere thought of that is freaking me out, because I still haven’t figured my life out yet. And how I wished life and time was like a movie where I could press pause and they would pause and wait for me as I got my shit together then press play when I’m done. Continue reading “TODAY I TURN 25 (I BELIEVE)”


(Brace yourself, this is a long read) 

Based on a true story

Sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday that your mother called you to her room to break the news. Other times it feels like eons ago. That night, you knew something was amiss immediately you entered and saw this foreboding faraway look that she had on her face. Since your father died, she has never been the same. It was like some part of her died along with him. But that night, she was different. She looked sadder than usual. Seeing her like that broke your heart into little smithereens.“


When Shall It End? The Miseries Of Being Human

Sometimes I wished I was a dog; our dog Scott to be precise. All it does is eat, sleep, shit and have sex. That’s all. It is a very spoilt dog. My mom spoils it. See, we always buy him food each and every evening. My mom then boils the food for it until it is cooked. When cooked, the food always has this nice aliya smell that always leaves my mouth watery. After that mom places the food in cool water. Can you remember how when you were a kid your mom would poesha your uji by placing the sufuria that contains it on water? Yes, that’s what my mom does to Scott. Did I mention that she even adds salt to the food?? Seems like Scott can’t eat food without salt. Continue reading “When Shall It End? The Miseries Of Being Human”


This is an article I wrote a while back; I am currently going through some stuff in my life, which are hindering my thinking process making it hard to come up with something interesting to write about. Maybe I should write about my misery. Anyway,  I might be back to my senses next week, God willing. 

So due to this fact and the fact that I don’t like this blog being dormant, I thought I should post this here. 

Enjoy…  Continue reading “I’M PREGNANT”


The other day I asked a friend to describe me based on my writing suppose we had never met. It was on a Tuesday mid-morning, I was seated in the boardroom at work chowing down on these two overpriced chapos (20 bob a piece, can you believe these people??)  as I washed them down with hot tea (I was fuckin’ hungry), Naaman’s laptop was humming softly as it sat in front of me. On the screen was Biko’s website. Continue reading “OF NEVER MET PEOPLE AND UNSOLICITED RANT”